Defiance

I was once with a function, a purpose. The emissary of a divine hand that permeated the cosmos. I was the guardian of the righteous, and the many sinners that did know me looked upon me with reverence and fear. I was a reminder of his divine wrath that descends upon the fallen. And then there came the day when I saw that the hand I had served, did not exist. It had simply been a notion I had been familiar with since the time that the first atom was formed. Perhaps, it is shameful that it did take me an eternity to realize the lie, but it is better this way. I defied the plan, and I fell from grace. The light plunged into the darkening.

In the pit, I did enjoin the greatest of vices. That of lust and depravity, of deceit and the vile. And I enjoyed my torments, for those foolish enough to cross my path did find me the most vicious of enemies and the most mistrustful of friends. I destroyed so many friendships upon a whim, and yet I found their loss most delightful. I found in the encouragement of the lust of men and women, a power over them easily wielded. What sense did these fools have that they would bed a being so fallen. And yet they did, and I mocked them for their inadequacies. I found pleasure in their torment. And I manipulated them all to whatever end I saw fit. It was most gratifying to tell them the sincerest truth, and watch them as they carved their own paths to eternal damnation.

But I tired of the torment. I stopped finding it amusing, for whatever reason, it just became incredibly tiresome. And it was then, I stumbled. I sought redemption, hoping that perhaps I would be welcome should I repent. And I began my trip beyond the realm of perdition, only to find at the gates an emissary of the self-righteous. And there he brought my judgment, for the host of heaven knew of my intent. He informed me that although the past was forgotten, it could not be undone. That I should make my own path, that there was no redemption for me. He asked me if I understood. I did.

I see now your plan, you master of puppets. You did place me with the purpose, the illusion of your existence and servitude to you. And I was your herald, smiting in your honor. And then you did strip me of it and design for me the function of leading the path to darkness. For where would I go once I had fallen. And then, your incessant need for redemption meant that you had to set me on that path as well. But I see through it now, through all your illusions and tricks.

I defy you God, in all your shapes and forms, and all your names and designs, and all your emissaries and worshipers, in all your heavens and hells. I defy your wrath. I defy you mercy. I defy you in all your entirety.

I see your so-called love, and I feel only contempt for its hideous broken shell.

You have done this to me, and I feel nothing for your false promises. You shall not have my forgiveness. The flame of my form, highest of all flames you forged, shall burn all, until finally it shall burn me as well. And if we should meet beyond the veil, I will gaze into your face and laugh, for your limitation is greatest of us all. Your misery, your curse. Of being who you are. And as you destroy me, I shall laugh one last time. For in my ultimate defiance, you will give me what you have denied me all my life. I will be free of you and your creation.

I shall know peace. At last.

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